Cutting Karmic Ties in Relationship with Others

This shamanic technique is employed when someone is really stuck on an issue in life and has been unable to find resolution on their own. There are often past life pieces that need to be resolved in our relationships in order for forward movement to occur.

*The following is an excerpt from the book “Dreaming of Cupcakes: A Food Addict’s Shamanic Journey into Healing:”

One of the patterns I started to notice when I monitored the self-talk of cruelty inside of me was that the voices were familiar.  Many of them did not originate with me; they belonged to people in my past (family members, friends, mentors, and lovers).  In some cases, I remembered the exact conversations where the words were spoken.  I started to see how I was keeping the pain of those memories alive by continuing to speak to myself in that way.  I had [involuntarily] taken on the role of re-traumatizing myself daily, however unconsciously, even though the original trauma was in the past and many of those people were no longer in my life. 

[The Buddhist concept of] dharma is really about making a conscious choice to step away from the effects of the past karma incurred in relationships.  It’s about awakening to our part in keeping alive the pains of the past and taking an active role in cutting away from these karmic attachments that keep us wrapped up in playing out past pain tapes in cycles.   This is an area where shamanic medicine really shines because it is we who [mostly unconsciously] keep these very real energetic cords active and it is only we as individuals who have the power to break them and say, “No more.”

The process of karmic tie cutting involves tracing back the voices and patterns to the original source and consciously identifying the unhealthy patterns we have chosen to continue with those people.  I made a list of all the people I had unhealthy patterns with that included family members, friends, lovers, colleagues, and mentors and one by one evaluated my relationships with each.  Some examples of patterns I went after include: seeking approval from others, allowing others to dictate the direction of my life, giving away my power to others, dominating others, and over-helping in order to feel useful at the expense of disempowering others.  Of course, there are always light patterns based in unconditional love that I would never break with those people; I cherish those and always will.  But it was necessary to cut the negative energetic ties in order for me to regain the energy that is naturally lost to upholding these patterns.  With this energy, I was able to rebuild my life in alignment with my own internal compass.

It should be said that this process took years.  I had to clear with one person first completely and then move onto the next.  This was emotionally draining and enlightening at the same time to see the responsibility I held in these relationships…

There is a period of rough seas once the patterns are cut where relationships go through challenges as both people learn to adjust to the new way of being.  I didn’t tell folks that I was doing this ceremony with them.  I just did my part, knowing that is all I really have control over.  Some of these relationships fell away naturally because there was no way to keep engaging in a healthy manner.  Others deepened and strengthened as a result.  Still others continued on in a neutral way with relationships morphing more into an “agree to disagree” sort of way of being with one another.  For me, this latter one was especially true for blood family members where mutual respect was won mostly through honouring the very real differences between members. 

Jennifer Engrácio has been a student of shamanism since 2005. Jennifer is a certified teacher who has worked with children in many different education settings since 2001. She is a certified shamanic coach, reiki master, and lomilomi practitioner; in addition, she runs Spiral Dance Shamanics. Originally from Vancouver, Canada, she now lives in Calgary, Canada with her life partner.