February/March 2010: Excerpt from originally published article in Synchronicity Magazine (Issue 99)

When we adults think of children, there is a simple truth which we ignore: childhood is not preparation for life; childhood is life. A child isn’t getting ready to live; a child is living.  How much heartache we would save ourselves if we would recognize the child as a partner with adults in the process of living, rather than always viewing him as an apprentice. How much we would teach each other… adults with the experience and children with the freshness.  How full both our lives could be. A little child may not lead us, but at least we ought to discuss the trip with him, for after all, life is his journey too.  

-Professor T. Ripaldi

My vision as a teacher has changed quite a lot since I started in BC public schools [in 2001] … Originally, my education philosophy centered around a concern for children’s self-esteem and a questioning of the efficacy of our current education system in that regard.  I worked for some years to try to make a difference from inside the current system before I decided to leave and work with home learning families.  My philosophy…morphed throughout the years into a different focus: collaborating with kids (with the support of their families) in order to help them design their learning around goals that are meaningful and important to them…

In my observation, North American mainstream culture tends to dull the innate desire to learn that we are each born with.  As a public-school teacher, I became disillusioned watching that bright spark, so naturally present in most five year olds, slowly wane as time stretched on.  Years of being told what to do, when to do it, and even how to do it take its toll on the creativity necessary for responsive and responsible living in human beings…

Part of my dream for the planet is that Earth’s children continue to evolve to that place where there is no distinction between what their hearts dream and what they are able to create in everyday life.  Funny enough, when I am guiding families through this process of living from a self-empowered place, it is the parents I spend the most time working with.  Most parents and adults I meet have been through the regular school system and, although they know school isn’t working for their child, are afraid to move towards the unknown, even though there’s a possibility of greater happiness for their children and themselves.  In guiding families to bridge the gap between what they say they believe and what they actually do in their lives, I empathize with the struggle to transform- especially knowing that whether they choose a “known” path or an unknown one, there are no guarantees in life…

My heart wells up at the beauty that comes forth in unlikely circumstances and places.  Mostly, I am in awe of the courage parents have in order to venture into unfamiliar territory with their children.  I am struck by the immense love the vast majority of parents have for their children and the power of that force to exact change on deep levels of being.  Every day, I see parents changing unhealthy ancestral patterns handed down to them; they are actively seeking out new ways to relate to their children and to guide them through childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood…

I believe that this conditioned pattern of forcing others to conform is coming to an end in our world.  I have seen many miraculous things in my years working with families.  I’ve come to believe that it is not a culture of domination in raising children that will create a peaceful world.  It is when we learn to see children as complete beings unto themselves who are capable (at each stage of their development) of choosing the direction of their learning and growth that will make the most impact on future generations.  When I ask parents what they dream for their kids, they want them to be happy.  I don’t know anything that brings more fulfillment in life than to be able to live in a way that makes one’s heart sing.  That looks different for each of us. It is true that adults have more life experience than kids do and we often can anticipate things due to our experience that they are not yet able to.  Allowing our children to go on that journey of discovery with our full support and sensitive guidance is the best way I know of to ensure a future where the Earth and all her children are well cared for. Children are much less likely to grow up to hurt themselves, others, and the planet when they know they have choices and that they are responsible for their own actions and indeed, the direction of their lives.

*Note from the author on unschooling (August 2020):

Unschooling may not be for everyone but I do suspect more families will begin looking for alternatives to conventional schooling in the future. (In fact, racialized families have been walking out of schools in higher numbers recently to find more life-affirming options for their children in order to stop institutionalized trauma in its tracks.) I am always open to talk to anyone who is genuinely interested in this path. I’ve been at it since 2004 and have seen the ways this has benefitted so many educators, parents, and learners. It’s not a decision parents take lightly; they have to sacrifice time, resources, career opportunities, and money to do it well. Most families who make this choice are not independently wealthy–contrary to popular belief, most are single-income, middle class households. I’ve even worked with homeless families living in shelters. Many parents get creative (working from home, downsizing, and forming learning cooperatives with other parents) and really take their lives down to the bare bones to give this option to their children. Many parents are also tired of the rat race and this is a way of getting themselves out of the relentless consumer cycles that are causing them to work so hard every day. Many worry they are missing their kids’ childhoods and feel disconnected from the people they love most. Unschooling is one way to take back our lives and our precious time on this planet at a grassroots level. If you are interested in reading more about this movement, check out any books by John Holt and John Taylor Gatto.

Jennifer Engrácio BEd. is a BC-Certified teacher who has worked in public and alternative education since 2001.  She now works with families who are home- and un-schooling their children.  She is a passionate learner herself with a wide range of interests she is pursuing in her life daily.